Bringing life to Planet Journalism
By Doug Fisher
News
item: The Huygens space probe landed on Saturn’s
moon Titan with a "splat” in the hydrocarbon "mud.” Scientists
say that with such a carbon-rich environment, life may
be possible, though it would not be life as we know it.
This is good news for Planet
Journalism.
Like Titan, at 180 degrees
below zero Celsius, Planet Journalism is too often inhospitable
and uninviting. It is a passive
place, where "four shots were fired into a crowd” and "two
people were killed.” On Earth, we use the passive
when it’s necessary to avoid defaming someone, but
we usually say "two people died when someone shot
four times into a crowd.”
On Planet Journalism, debates,
disputes, fires and shootings are forever "sparked.” On Earth, they start,
are caused by, or just plain begin.
Faceless "males” and "females” live
on Planet Journalism. But our neighborhoods are filled
with men and women and with the laughter of boys and girls.
And we know the difference between "sex” and "gender.”
Crime, unfortunately, is
a fact of life on both planets. But here we have robbers,
shooters and burglars until a
suspect is identified. On Planet Journalism, everyone is
a "suspect,” even when none has been identified
yet, and those suspects have always "fled at a high
rate of speed.” On Earth, they usually just speed
away. If we don’t have suspects on Planet Journalism,
then we have "assailants.”
As on Earth, Planet Journalism
is overrun by committees, task forces and the like. But
while on Planet-J those groups
often "convene” or "meet to discuss,” on
Earth we figure people know that’s what those groups
do, and so we just go ahead and say what actually happened.
Life must be constantly changing on Planet Journalism,
too, because those committees are always morphing into "panels.” Here,
we tend to refer to a panel as what you find on a wall.
And those "panels” are forever "hiking” utility
rates and the like. Our committees on Earth usually just
increase them.
Huygens found Titan to be
a noisy place, buffeted by strong winds picked up by its
microphones. Planet Journalism must
be, too, because people always "voice” their
opinions. But here in our corner of the universe, people
sometimes just "express” opinions or "say” they
were displeased – or we simply quote the person without
all the buildup and let the readers decide.
If you visited Planet Journalism,
you’d find crowds
are "huge,” events "mark” the first
time something happens, one thing happens "in the
wake of” another and the life forms always "decline
to” comment. On Earth, we figure people know a crowd
means a lot of people, that things just happen "for
the first time,” that one thing happens "after” another,
and that people simply "would not” comment
or sometimes just would not "discuss” or "talk
about” something.
Sports figures are uniformly
erudite on Planet Journalism. Stories there report, for
instance, on basketball players "who
admitted the situation will impact in both good and bad
ways.” Here, the players, if they discuss it at all,
are more likely to be reported as having said something
like "what’s happening will have good and bad
effects.”
Watch TV on Planet Journalism,
and you’ll find out
that tomorrow’s "rainfall events” will
happen in "downtown areas.” Here on Earth,
we usually just say it’s going to rain downtown.
You’ll also quickly find out that on Planet Journalism
the actor is more important than what happens. So "a
train derailed downtown (or in the downtown area), backing
up traffic for miles.” On Earth, we’re more
likely to tell folks they were late for work because "traffic
backed up for miles after a train derailed downtown.”
The calendar’s also a little weird in that otherworldly
place because stories too often report that something "on
Tuesday happened” or that someone "on Wednesday
decided.” We save that for the most difficult cases
here on Earth and usually see it as a signal to consider
rewriting. Otherwise, we tell our friends and neighbors
that things happen on Tuesday and decisions are made on
Wednesday, etc.
As you can see, Planet Journalism
is a cold, uninviting place. There are sparks of life,
but they struggle to survive,
and much of what happens is written in headlines. On Earth,
we know the difference between headline and story. It’s
a warm, inviting place where brevity is valued, but not
above everything else, and people are willing to take the
time to make sure you understand.
Where do you want your writing
to live?
